It's made me into a very sad and often angry person. But also I am far more compassionate because you never know who is suffering from IF as well. I think I am stronger in my beliefs. I am more appreciative of the man I married - he is amazingly supportive and loves me so much. And I am a hell of a lot poorer financially!
I used to be a big-time foot-in-mouth-er. IF has changed that for me. If someone tells me a problem, I don't try to fix it for them (I'm an engineer, so that's really hard for me!). I think it has drastically improved my relationships with others. Overall, I think my marriage has been strengthened by all of this. We had some scary points, some weak points. But we came through it strongly and each learned that we want to be married to each other more than anything and that we can get through this battle and any others that may arise now. Unfortunately, IF has changed the way I see family. IF has made me much more independent, socially. I don't see myself needing my parents anymore. Maybe it's because I'm the eldest but I've never leaned on my siblings either (though they've leaned on me plenty of times). When I first started down the IF journey, I tried to get support from my family but learned quickly that was a dry well.
This is a good question...IF, although I try not to make it my life, it has consumed me. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel like my life is just on hold and that I am waiting for the "go ahead" to start living and enjoying my life. I know that is not how I SHOULD be living my life, but this is my current reality. I have tried so hard not to be that person that lets IF define them, but to no avail...here I am. I definetly think that this journey has brought my husband and I closer. We communicate better and we have a compassion for eachother that we never would have had. There are just times that I wish my happiness did not depend so much on having a baby. I wish that I could tune it all out and enjoy the way things are now. I find that I am more distant from friends, for fear of being a burden. I am getting really good at putting that smile on whether or not I feel like it.
It seems more and more like infertility is the lens I'm viewing the world through. Infertility has often made me feel more angry, sad, and resentful than I am comfortable with.
Infertility has also changed the relationships I am able to have with other women, in both positive and negative ways. Infertility has made it impossible for me to maintain friendships with women I've known for what feels like forever, but has opened the door to new friendships in a way I will never stop feeling appreciative of or being surprised by!
Infertility also has made me confront issues I have surrounding control and order and family and being honest about my emotions and needs...can you tell I am now in therapy thanks to Infertility?
Infertility has shown me I am strong - I can deal with shots and medicine and daily doctor's visits and more shots and more doctor's visits and mood swings and no coffee and no wine and mood swings and more shots and ovaries out to here and anesthesia and more shots and more shots and home pregnancy tests and home pregnancy tests and home pregnancy tests and it not working not working not working...and I can still come out swinging, ready to go for round two, round three, and beyond.
I also can't agree with Stephanie, Nancy, and Amber more - I feel a lot closer to my husband now, an unexpected gift! To say Infertility has changed me would be an understatement. It has also changed my husband and our relationship.
It has definitely changed my idea/concept/opinion of family and motherhood.
I used to love baby announcements, showers, and was always the first one willing to help plan a shower or nursery or babysit. Now I bitterly avoid most of these things and I absolutely hate it. I miss the person I use to be at showers. Now I feel like even when I do go all I get is stares of pitty *sigh* It's like a switch that got flipped and I can't find it to flip it back...
This is a great question and this is really the first time I am thinking about it. One short sentence sums it up... Infertility has taken over my life! Having a baby seems to be all I ever think about. It has over taken my life. I use to be the "wild fun one" now I am the "downer". People cant talk to me without me bringing IF into the converstation. I am imagining talking to someone like me and it would be depressing now that I think about it. I want to change this! I want to go back to being the fun person that everyone wants to be around!
I am now a very envious person, I never was this way until IF entered my life. I am envious of all the "fertiles". I am sad and angry more often. I cry alot more. I have stress and aniexty non stop. None of these things are good. I view my life through a filter, an IF filter.
Now I can not sit here and say that only bad has come from this. I have learned patience and even more compassion. I think I was always compassionate towards other, but I have grown alot in the past 3 years. I feel pain stronger but this has made me stronger.
I have also relized how blessed I truly am. I have a new appeciation for my wonderful husband. IF does cause some problems at times in my marriage, but it has caused an abundance of love, support, trust and faith in my marriage. I have also relized how many people truly care for me and support me. Its amazing to have so many wonderful people in my life!
So Yes, IF has changed Everything in my life and how I view life. It has so many downs and not many ups, but my faith is strong. I do not think it has made me a better person but I can say that I have grown! Thank you for listening :) I must say that I feel like a small weight has just been lifted. You are all so amazing! God Bless <333
Man....I can absolutely relate to everything that has been said here. I've felt it all. DH and I had some serious issues in the middle of our IF journey (perhaps prompted by IF?) and have now mended. We are more awesome together than ever.
Fortunately for me, I've learned to live life again outside of IF. It's the little things for me: My cuddling animals, a sunny day, birds chirping, planning my garden. I have a keen appreciation for what I DO have.
Of course, that appreciate is transient and I'll often feel the pain of IF. But, the cool thing is I'm able to not judge myself for my sad feelings, and I don't feel pressured to feel better. I just know it'll happen. And it always does.
I feel like I've grown a lot during this experience. I'm less anal (that was a difficult one...lol), I'm more self-aware, I'm very sensitive to others, I'm more vulnerable and open, and I stopped judging myself so much. It's very freeing!!
It's made me into a very sad and often angry person. But also I am far more compassionate because you never know who is suffering from IF as well. I think I am stronger in my beliefs. I am more appreciative of the man I married - he is amazingly supportive and loves me so much. And I am a hell of a lot poorer financially!
ReplyDeleteI used to be a big-time foot-in-mouth-er. IF has changed that for me. If someone tells me a problem, I don't try to fix it for them (I'm an engineer, so that's really hard for me!). I think it has drastically improved my relationships with others.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I think my marriage has been strengthened by all of this. We had some scary points, some weak points. But we came through it strongly and each learned that we want to be married to each other more than anything and that we can get through this battle and any others that may arise now.
Unfortunately, IF has changed the way I see family. IF has made me much more independent, socially. I don't see myself needing my parents anymore. Maybe it's because I'm the eldest but I've never leaned on my siblings either (though they've leaned on me plenty of times). When I first started down the IF journey, I tried to get support from my family but learned quickly that was a dry well.
This is a good question...IF, although I try not to make it my life, it has consumed me. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel like my life is just on hold and that I am waiting for the "go ahead" to start living and enjoying my life. I know that is not how I SHOULD be living my life, but this is my current reality. I have tried so hard not to be that person that lets IF define them, but to no avail...here I am.
ReplyDeleteI definetly think that this journey has brought my husband and I closer. We communicate better and we have a compassion for eachother that we never would have had. There are just times that I wish my happiness did not depend so much on having a baby. I wish that I could tune it all out and enjoy the way things are now.
I find that I am more distant from friends, for fear of being a burden. I am getting really good at putting that smile on whether or not I feel like it.
It seems more and more like infertility is the lens I'm viewing the world through. Infertility has often made me feel more angry, sad, and resentful than I am comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteInfertility has also changed the relationships I am able to have with other women, in both positive and negative ways. Infertility has made it impossible for me to maintain friendships with women I've known for what feels like forever, but has opened the door to new friendships in a way I will never stop feeling appreciative of or being surprised by!
Infertility also has made me confront issues I have surrounding control and order and family and being honest about my emotions and needs...can you tell I am now in therapy thanks to Infertility?
Infertility has shown me I am strong - I can deal with shots and medicine and daily doctor's visits and more shots and more doctor's visits and mood swings and no coffee and no wine and mood swings and more shots and ovaries out to here and anesthesia and more shots and more shots and home pregnancy tests and home pregnancy tests and home pregnancy tests and it not working not working not working...and I can still come out swinging, ready to go for round two, round three, and beyond.
I also can't agree with Stephanie, Nancy, and Amber more - I feel a lot closer to my husband now, an unexpected gift! To say Infertility has changed me would be an understatement. It has also changed my husband and our relationship.
It has definitely changed my idea/concept/opinion of family and motherhood.
I used to love baby announcements, showers, and was always the first one willing to help plan a shower or nursery or babysit. Now I bitterly avoid most of these things and I absolutely hate it. I miss the person I use to be at showers. Now I feel like even when I do go all I get is stares of pitty *sigh* It's like a switch that got flipped and I can't find it to flip it back...
ReplyDelete-Lavonne @ *Our Wish*
To add: It has also changed EVERYTHING about me...not all for the bad, but definitely every single thing that makes me...me
ReplyDeleteThis is a great question and this is really the first time I am thinking about it. One short sentence sums it up... Infertility has taken over my life!
ReplyDeleteHaving a baby seems to be all I ever think about. It has over taken my life. I use to be the "wild fun one" now I am the "downer". People cant talk to me without me bringing IF into the converstation. I am imagining talking to someone like me and it would be depressing now that I think about it. I want to change this! I want to go back to being the fun person that everyone wants to be around!
I am now a very envious person, I never was this way until IF entered my life. I am envious of all the "fertiles". I am sad and angry more often. I cry alot more. I have stress and aniexty non stop. None of these things are good. I view my life through a filter, an IF filter.
Now I can not sit here and say that only bad has come from this. I have learned patience and even more compassion. I think I was always compassionate towards other, but I have grown alot in the past 3 years. I feel pain stronger but this has made me stronger.
I have also relized how blessed I truly am. I have a new appeciation for my wonderful husband. IF does cause some problems at times in my marriage, but it has caused an abundance of love, support, trust and faith in my marriage. I have also relized how many people truly care for me and support me. Its amazing to have so many wonderful people in my life!
So Yes, IF has changed Everything in my life and how I view life. It has so many downs and not many ups, but my faith is strong. I do not think it has made me a better person but I can say that I have grown!
Thank you for listening :) I must say that I feel like a small weight has just been lifted.
You are all so amazing!
God Bless <333
Man....I can absolutely relate to everything that has been said here. I've felt it all. DH and I had some serious issues in the middle of our IF journey (perhaps prompted by IF?) and have now mended. We are more awesome together than ever.
ReplyDeleteFortunately for me, I've learned to live life again outside of IF. It's the little things for me: My cuddling animals, a sunny day, birds chirping, planning my garden. I have a keen appreciation for what I DO have.
Of course, that appreciate is transient and I'll often feel the pain of IF. But, the cool thing is I'm able to not judge myself for my sad feelings, and I don't feel pressured to feel better. I just know it'll happen. And it always does.
I feel like I've grown a lot during this experience. I'm less anal (that was a difficult one...lol), I'm more self-aware, I'm very sensitive to others, I'm more vulnerable and open, and I stopped judging myself so much. It's very freeing!!