Repost: March Survey Results... Let's Have a Meeting :o)

Hi again!

I'm reposting this so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle of all of the other excitement... let us know if you have any more thoughts!  Thank you for all of the thoughts and offers you've already sent!  :o)

Hello my dear Ladies,

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your precious feedback.  I know surveys can be a bit tedious, but all of the information you provide help us to make the Ladies in Waiting Book Club a place where everyone feels comfortable, happy, and heard.

I am including some of the results from our survey including comments that were made anonymously by our members.  After each survey item, I am adding my personal thoughts and asking for more feedback from you.  I guess we can call this post a "meeting" then.  :o)  In the comments of this post, please add any thoughts you'd like to contribute including agreements or disagreements.

In our original plan for the LiWBC, we considered reading an infertility related book every other month.  Would you consider this to be too much, not enough, or just right?  How often would you like to read an infertility related book vs. a mainstream selection?

Some thoughts (there were too many to add here, but these are a good mix of the general opinions):

• I didn't mind reading an IF book this month.  I really enjoyed it, especially since the author joined our discussions and had been through the treatments.
• I think I'd rather do an IF related book once a quarter.  I read as a distraction to my infertility.
• I love to read so I am comfortable with whatever level everyone else wants.  I know that I won't pick up the fertility related stuff on my own and this gives me a chance to see what is out there and available.
• I think it might be too much - honestly I had an easier time with "The Help" even with a character that was dealing with IF. Maybe because it was fictional? This month's selection I loved but what hit hard in the middle of it, was this person is real and I am communicating with her. I am also approaching a new cycle and there is a lot of anxiety involved with the whole process. I am relieved to be reading a non-IF book and hope that we could do 2 months of non-IF and 1 month of IF.
• This is just right. I think if we covered IF in depth every month, we'd eventually run out of things to talk about. But I think if we mix in books that are not IF-related, we'll learn SO much more about each other apart from the IF.
• I enjoyed Silent Sorority very much!  
• I would say, Just Right!
• I definitely found the topic to be very thoughtful and intense.  I loved reading others' thoughts and ideas, pain, joy, and insights.  For me, once a quarter would seem perfect (once every 3 months) to discuss IF-related books. 
• I think it's too much. I didn't at first but after comparing this month and last month I feel drained. So much of my life already revolves around IF I loved being able to escape it for a bit last month. I didn't think I would feel that way when we started. Having the second 'happy' book this month made a big difference for me. I think revising it to an IF book every two months would be better, just my opinion though. I did love the mix of discussion and other posts....recipes and art, etc...

Kim's Thoughts:  The general consensus tells me that this was a very intense month for many, myself included.  I felt the topics were extremely important to discuss together (one cannot ignore infertility), but better to be spread out a little further or a somewhat less intense way.  There seemed to be a majority opinion that spreading out infertility related books 2:1 or 3:1 is preferred.  What do you think?  Agree or disagree?  More thoughts?

What were/are your hopes in joining the LiWBC?

• I want to find new friends. - 72%
• I want to discuss infertility. - 38%
• I want a safe space. - 55%
• I want to be distracted from infertility. - 52%
• I want to read new books and discuss them. - 72%

Kim's Thoughts:  Most of us want to find new friends (check!) and to read and discuss new books (check, check!).  I guess we are doing a good job then.  :o)  What surprised me and yet didn't is that most of don't necessarily want to talk about infertility all the time.  I liked one person's comment from above about learning "SO much more about each other apart from the IF".  Any other thoughts?  Surprised?  No?  :o)

Do you have any ideas or suggestions for April?

• We need more member contributors with two editors heading into cycles for April and May.  It might be more helpful.  Once we pick a book, ideas will start flowing and I (or we? :o) will send them your way.

Kim's Thoughts:  I have a feeling I know who wrote this, but I'll keep it to myself... it's all supposed to be anonymous, right?  But YES, this is very true.  I will be traveling all the way from Atlanta, Georgia to Albany, New York for my first IVF treatment.  I will spend the entire month of April in New York from stims to transfer time.  This doesn't mean I am disappearing (no way!) but it does mean a month of travel, being away from my husband, and a tad bit of stress.  Nancy is also beginning an IVF cycle this month and is traveling from north Florida to South Carolina for treatment.  April is our anchor.  :o)  It truly is "The Month of April".  No pressure, April.  ;o)

Regardless of the crazy travel schedule during this month, your voices are precious and we would love to have more contributors during the month!  This requires just a light commitment and a bit of creativity.  If you would like to help us out this month with ideas, consider these things:

• How often would you like to contribute?  Once per month or week?  One time only?  We keep a schedule of all outgoing posts for the month (to keep everyone involved organized).
• We would love to get ideas for crafts, articles, videos, music, recipes, contests, etc.  Anything that compliments what we are reading and would benefit the group (nothing too "off topic")  We would especially love if you felt led to be a leader and write some posts yourself.  The more voices, the better.
• Do you have an idea for a contest?  Would you like to be a particular month's "sponsor" for a contest?  Being a sponsor would mean being responsible for both the contest rules and prize.  This is a task that I love and am not seeking to give away, but sooner or later my ideas will get pretty lame and some fresh ones are appreciated.

Please keep in mind that between April, Nancy, and I, if you decide you'd like to contribute, you will never be on your own.  You'll be receiving as much or as little support from us as you need or want.  The best way to send your contribution ideas is through the top menu bar on the tab that says "Contribute".  Fill out the form and it will go directly to us.

Okay, my sweet ladies... meeting starts now.  :o)  Tell us your thoughts!

Wrapping Up March, Taking a Quick Break

(Note, this is just where we would like to be on our break :D)

Wow, this has been a wonderful month here on LiWBC! You ladies had so many insightful comments and ideas and showered each other with support. We are very thankful for our guests we had this month: Pamela and Monica. Both of them shared from their hearts with us in wonderful ways.

We, the editors, are gearing up for another great month in April with Water for Elephants. Before we dive into roll calls, contests, discussions, and fun on Friday, we will be taking a short break to collect our thoughts and catch up a bit.

Please be sure to check back in on April 1st to join the Roll Call and get the discussion question guide.

Recipe - Silent Sorority: Pina Coladas

Sing it with me... "If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain..."

Yes, we heard how succulent the rain made some of you feel this month, and much, much more! We took on a difficult topic, infertility, and discussed it with honesty, grief, and humor. The support we conveyed for each other as well as with our lovely author of Silent Sorority, Pamela Tsigdinos, and our daring and darling special guest/artist, Monica Weisblott, surpassed all of our expectations!

You, ladies in waiting, have been absolutely wonderful while discussing such a heavy and seriously exhausting (mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially) topic this month that we must end with a yummy drink recipe that includes, what else but our favorite fertility enhancing fruit, pineapple! Also, it gets me in the mood for the beach! So even if you are not in sunny Florida but somewhere else, perhaps having snow even though it is officially Spring, you can still whip up a batch of these, put on your shorts and a tank top, flip on the heat lamp and tell Winter to take a hike while you sip on this yummy concoction of pineapple, coconut cream, and rum! Better yet, if you have given up alcohol either for Lent (highly do not recommend this) or for fertility treatments (highly recommend it), you can still use rum extract to get the flavor and leave out the alcohol!

Pina Coladas

Ingredients:

Ice Cubes

1/2 cup rum

1/2 cup coconut cream

1/4 cup coconut milk

1/4 cup pineapple chunks

sliced pineapple for garnish

Directions:

Fill blender halfway with ice cubes. Add rum, coconut cream, coconut milk, and pineapple chunks. Puree. Serve garnished with slice of pineapple and/or a maraschino cherry, if desired.

Tip: Add pineapple juice for a sweeter and more pineapple-y taste.

Serves 4. Recipe by Paula Deen

And to help get you in the mood, here's a cheesy little music video of Rupert Holmes's big hit:

April's Book Selection: Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

And the winner is:

The vote was VERY close, but Water for Elephants is our winner!  Grab your copy and start the discussions with us starting April 1st.  :o)  Our book selection is now available in our store.  If you will be purchasing your book online anyway and would like to support the LiWBC, buy it through our store.  Check out our new journal section of the book store also (thank you for the idea, Courtney!).

Stick with us until the end of March as we wrap up Silent Sorority by Pamela Tsigdinos and Succulent Wild Woman by SARK.  

Amazon.com Book Review:

Jacob Jankowski says: "I am ninety. Or ninety-three. One or the other." At the beginning of Water for Elephants, he is living out his days in a nursing home, hating every second of it. His life wasn't always like this, however, because Jacob ran away and joined the circus when he was twenty-one. It wasn't a romantic, carefree decision, to be sure. His parents were killed in an auto accident one week before he was to sit for his veterinary medicine exams at Cornell. He buried his parents, learned that they left him nothing because they had mortgaged everything to pay his tuition, returned to school, went to the exams, and didn't write a single word. He walked out without completing the test and wound up on a circus train. The circus he joins, in Depression-era America, is second-rate at best. With Ringling Brothers as the standard, Benzini Brothers is far down the scale and pale by comparison.

Water for Elephants is the story of Jacob's life with this circus. Sara Gruen spares no detail in chronicling the squalid, filthy, brutish circumstances in which he finds himself. The animals are mangy, underfed or fed rotten food, and abused. Jacob, once it becomes known that he has veterinary skills, is put in charge of the "menagerie" and all its ills. Uncle Al, the circus impresario, is a self-serving, venal creep who slaps people around because he can. August, the animal trainer, is a certified paranoid schizophrenic whose occasional flights into madness and brutality often have Jacob as their object. Jacob is the only person in the book who has a handle on a moral compass and as his reward he spends most of the novel beaten, broken, concussed, bleeding, swollen and hungover. He is the self-appointed Protector of the Downtrodden, and... he falls in love with Marlena, crazy August's wife. Not his best idea.

The most interesting aspect of the book is all the circus lore that Gruen has so carefully researched. She has all the right vocabulary: grifters, roustabouts, workers, cooch tent, rubes, First of May, what the band plays when there's trouble, Jamaican ginger paralysis, life on a circus train, set-up and take-down, being run out of town by the "revenooers" or the cops, and losing all your hooch. There is one glorious passage about Marlena and Rosie, the bull elephant, that truly evokes the magic a circus can create. It is easy to see Marlena's and Rosie's pink sequins under the Big Top and to imagine their perfect choreography as they perform unbelievable stunts. The crowd loves it--and so will the reader. The ending is absolutely ludicrous and really quite lovely.

Results from our votes (top 5 by rank):

• Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen (34%)
• Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand (28%)
• Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella (22%)
• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (16%)
• The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (from prior survey)

Uh oh...

So, April's book selection (and I mean the month, not the person :o)... is... well... umm, we don't actually have a winner.

Great minds must think alike because you all unprecedentedly brought four books to a perfect tie.  So... this means that we have to do a tie breaker survey and this time, you may only choose one.  :o)  

So we don't get far behind, the survey will be open for just one day and will close on Sunday, 3/27 at 11:59pm EST.  Happy voting!  Again.

Our Lovely Monica Wiesblott!

She's adorable! - don't you just want to hug her? 

An article from Society 805 about our very own, Monica. :o)

• Article: Not All That Wander Are Lost

Today is Monica's last post on her gallery work, BARREN: life on infertile soil.  If you were touched by her work, you can let her know by leaving a post here in the comments.  Also, if you'd like to keep up with her, you can visit her online in various places.  She will be back to guest write and participate with us.  I'm so thankful for her and that she's touched my life with her art.

Ways you can connect with Monica:

• Visit her Etsy store: My Little Eye
• Website: www.monicawiesblott.com
• Blog: www.monicawiesblott.blogspot.com

Longing by Monica Wiesblott

Longing: a prolonged unfulfilled desire or need

When I was younger, being a mother wasn’t the first thing on my “when I grow up” list; I think it was joining the circus or being a doctor or something. I am a child of the feminist movement so; my aspirations were addressed differently when I was growing up. I wanted to be many things and go many places and meet many people before I would even think about becoming a mother and caring completely for someone else. It wasn’t a topic that was pushed on me or even discussed that much, but it was understood that I would be one someday.

I have been a vegetarian since I was 16, I never drank or smoked…I didn’t do drugs; I didn’t drink coffee, or eat fried foods. I treated my body with respect, I was not thin, nor was I overweight either. I was kind to others; I was constantly tasking myself to be a better person. I was trying to be a good example.

Then I met a wonderful man, and after 10years together we decided to get married, another two years passed before we sat down and had a discussion about wanting to try and become parents. It was at that moment I wanted to be a mother. I realized that I had someone to be a parent with. I loved his qualities and felt that the two of us could create a child that could help make the world a better place.

When years past and we were not becoming parents we started to wonder, what did we do wrong? Why was it ok for XY or Z to be parents and we couldn’t...

At a routine visit to the doctor she asked “so you don’t want kids? I mean you have stopped trying” I broke down right there in front of her, “No I will always want children, but it appears that we are not going to be parents. I will never stop trying”

It took years to get past the idea that we weren’t trying hard enough, or that if we really wanted to be parents we’d ______(fill in the blank).

How much loss was enough? How much heartache was enough? When would I stop longing to be a mother when all signs clearly pointed to a childless life together? When would it be ok, to need to be me again return and let the desire to try “just one more thing” fade into the background?

I have found that my unfulfilled desire to be a mother is going to be a part of who I am for my life; it is how I respond to those desires that will help me weather the emotional roller coaster that it rides on. I still find myself wondering every month when I am late, but I don’t go out and get pregnancy tests anymore. I still find myself lost in daydreams when I see a beautiful child, but do not engage in conversation with the child’s mother. I still conjure up images when I fall asleep of what our child would have been, but I find I don’t cry myself to sleep every night about it anymore. I have been down a dark, dark road with Infertility, it is a seductive place…before you know it you are sitting and thinking about baby names and packing school lunches, arguing with a teenager or trying to figure out how you will pay for college. It is like fog rolling in, suddenly you are enveloped and lost in the details of your fantasy and you don’t realize that it will dissipate as soon as the wind shifts.

I think that longing is part of the scar tissue that infertility leaves you with. "2009 I was moody and exhausted, but spent time in my studio trying to forget that I will not be a mother in this life. I was trying to compensate for my lack of fertility with another outlet of creative making, my art or gardening. I get joy, (a feeling I am re-introducing myself to, as the feeling has been absent from my knowledge base for some time) from creating something tangible. My art is real, my food is real. I catch myself breathing deeply while working on a new project, reminding myself to be in the moment, be present. This simple act seems difficult at times, but one I am working with...as my daydreams lead me down dark paths of things to never be and times I will never have. My hopes for divine intervention from relatives gone before me, has left me feeling alone and forgotten, and absolutely lost. What happened to wishes from heaven, miracles or magic.... I can only believe in nature now... this is the only real thing I know now. "

Text from BARREN:life on infertile soil

It Settled In So Deeply

archival photography

The Fun Was All Gone

archival photograph First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, The Comes... archival photograph Hope is a Sweet Seduction archival photograph

When Your Heart is in a Dream No Request is Too Extreme

archival photograph

The Taunting Often Ended in Tears

archival photograph

Thank you all so very much for allowing me to share my work, it has been a great honor and an amazing experience.

If you would like to see the exhibition along with the music that can be heard with the final installation piece please visit the gallery slideshow HERE

Silent Sorority: The Big Question and Time Travel {Ask the Author #6}

Since this is my last time in the "Ask the Author" role, I'd like to first and foremost express my appreciation to everyone who took the time to read Silent Sorority. I know it's not an easy read, especially when you're a "lady in waiting." I'd also like to thank the wonderful ladies behind this wonderful book club. Their work building a community and offering a safe place to reflect and share is just the sort of thing I craved when I was in my TTC days. I'm honored to have been invited to participate. And now on to the questions: Joscelyn from Chicago: You address the issue of adoption a bit, but I wanted to know specifically how you answer the question: "Why don't you just adopt?" I get these questions even though I'm still in treatment - treatment which thankfully covers some IVF, but not adoption. Also, it took me so long to mourn not being able to conceive the "fun" way, I can't imagine how long it would take me to grief not being able to have a biological child. Ah, yes, the question to end all questions. I cover the topic more completely in Silent Sorority, but as for how I answer the question when posed directly, my answer is a variation on this: Adoption is a calling, and not simply for those who can't have their own children. Because adoptions aren’t a “one-time transaction,” they require extra care to account for the lifelong issues for all involved: the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents. To really do this question justice, I encourage you to listen to a radio segment created by a woman who runs an informative website and radio show that explores infertility and adoption. I was joined in one interview by a therapist who also made the decision to live a life that didn't involve parenting after years in infertility treatment. She has counseled with many others facing this decision. Stephanie in Arizona: Going through IF for years now, if I could get a time machine and was able to talk to myself when I was just starting, I already have a list of things I'd tell myself. Being in your position now, what would you tell yourself before, during, and after your discovery of and dealing with your IF? Before: This won’t be easy. The infertility experience will turn your life upside down. Look upon it as a growth experience. Be realistic. Don't delude yourself about the treatment potential. They have a modest success rate -- <29% -- taking into account the best case scenario (age, diagnosis, contributing conditions, etc. (The UK government tracks success rates in the most comprehensive fashion I've yet discovered.) During: There are no clear explanations for why treatment isn't succeeding. Guard against being swept up in chasing a dream that may never materialize. The loss of control will make you feel vulnerable and lost. Combat that sense of aimlessness by planning, early, for what comes next. Remember there are many paths in life, new and unexpected ways to find meaning and value. Be gentle with yourself. Don't be surprised if people in your life don't understand what you're going through. Their well-meaning but often ignorant comments can be hurtful at best and torturous at worst. Don't bottle up the emotions. Find an outlet through writing or counseling or exercise. You'll have to find an inner strength. After: Take the time to grieve. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected. The only way to get through grief is to experience it, immerse yourself in it. You're going to have to hurt before you can heal. The healing is non-linear. There will be good and bad days. Infertility is not something you get over. You come to terms with it. Reminders of what might have been will remain, but the pain will, in time, subside. Peace and joy will return to your life. You now possess a level of compassion that will serve you well for the rest of your life. You will find you're stronger than you ever thought possible. Your transformation will provide a means for a rebirth. Seize the opportunity to apply all you've learned. Multiply the value of what you learned by sharing it with others.

Sexy in Stirrups: And the winners are...

Hello lovely Ladies!

What a lovely way to lighten up the heavy topics this month... I had so much fun reading through your funny comments!  I will be compiling all of your comments together in a post called "Infertility Funnies" so when you need a laugh, you'll have a direct link and an opportunity to share more jokes.  We all need a laugh, right?  I mean, humor increases IVF success, apparently... so why not?  Hold the scary clowns, please.

Our March contest is now over and it is time to announce the winner!  The winners were chosen through random.org and their "True Random Number Generator".  I could not figure out how to copy the little generator into a post so you could see the results yourself, so you're just going to have to trust me!  The winners were selected out of the 34 comments showing on the contest page and here are the results:

#13 - Andrea - received info!

#34 - Amy412 - received info!

#2 - Joscelyn - received info!

#15 - Courtney - received info!

#4 - Lisa H. - received info!

Congratulations, ladies!  Below, you will find a form where I'll now need your address.  Your address is safe with me and will not be seen on our blog once submitted.

Vote: April Book Selection is Now Open!

Here is our March Survey and April Book Selection.  I added a short survey (again) to the book selection process. Any information that would help us make this experience even better is appreciated.  :o)  Choose as many selections as interest you.

We are currently making decisions about book selections for the coming months and would like to know how you handled an "infertility" topic for the entire month.  Was it difficult? helpful?  Would you prefer to discuss these topics more often (alternating each month) or less often (once every 2-3 months)?  Let us know your thoughts in the survey so we can meet the needs of everyone.

Survey closes at 11:59 PM EST on Saturday, March 26th.  April's book selection will be announced Sunday morning!  Happy voting!

Coping with the Blue Days

Everyone has Blue Days, right? I can't possibly be the only one. And they are not just for the infertile, either. We just have the added challenge of having scheduled Blue Days based on cycles. If any group of people could write the book on dealing with crashing hopes and disappointments on a regular basis, it would be the infertility community. I have tried many methods for dealing with those days but one I have found works really well is to anticipate them and have a plan. What are you going to do that day? Who will you talk to (or not!)? Where will you go? What will you eat? Sound extreme? Maybe, but here is why I do it... I do not do it because I am a compulsive planner (well, maybe I am), I do it because once the Blue Day comes it is extremely hard for me to remember what it is I like to do. The default position for a Blue Day is curled up on the couch with tissues (and I am NOT knocking that as a method for coping if necessary) but sometimes we just need encouragement to try something else. My recommendation is to make Blue Day lists:

• People who cheer me up
• Places I like to go
• Favorite restaurants
• Favorite movies
• Something I have always wanted to try
• 10 Things I want to buy

Then, on the Blue Day...pull out the lists and you have ideas of what to do to cheer yourself and begin to journey back to where you want to be. I like to keep a list of books I haven't purchased for this reason...I can go buy a new book (or sometimes I buy them and keep them "hidden" for such a day). If you want an easy place to keep these lists and want more ideas check out the Blue Day Directory. Another idea is a box filled with things you enjoy to help you through the rough day. These items are put aside during the good days so that they are always available on the bad ones. Some ideas include: cozy socks, magazines, trashy novel, brand new yoga pants, Itunes gift card to yourself, new lotion, movies (like from the $5 bin at Walmart). I have a drawer rather than a box, but everything in there is new, never used....and that makes it like a gift to me and somehow more special than, say, the lotion on the counter :) My main suggestion is to plan ahead so that you have these little things ready, because even in the somewhat scheduled world of infertility the Blue Days can jump out at you and this way you are ready!! Now, a confession, I am having one of these days today (the jumping out from nowhere kind). I have spent some time just sitting with the tissues, BUT I also had a new book to read and candy to eat set aside just for me :) What would you plan for a Blue Day?

Silent Sorority: New York Times - Patient Voices: Infertility

Listen to this awesome article from the New York Times about seven women and their various experiences with infertility.  Hearing these women's voices is so very powerful.  Turn your speakers on!

Audio Article: New York Times - Patient Voices: Infertility

A complimenting article, also by the New York Times, about our own, Pamela Tsigdinos:

Article: Facing a Life Without Children When It Isn't by Choice

April Book Suggestions Due Today!

Hi :o)

Just a reminder that any April suggestions are due by the end of the day today.

Beginning Thursday morning, a survey will be posted here on our site.  Same as usual.  :o)  We have a lot of great choices lined up this month - I'm so curious!

I can't wait to see what we pick! The winner of the book selection will be announced Sunday, March 27th!

Silent Sorority: Discuss with Us! (#4)

Our discussion question for this week:

• In what ways has infertility changed you and your view of life?

Recipe- Silent Sorority: Fresh Pineapple Upside Down Cake

When infertility stress turns your life upside down, try this cake to turn thing rights side up! It's such a sunny and happy cake - plus it's made with fresh pineapple! You can't lose!

Fresh Pineapple Upside Down Cake

Ingredients:

3/4 cup butter

3/4 cup packed dark brown sugar

3/4 cup unsweetened pineapple juice

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup white sugar

3 eggs

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 fresh pineapple, peeled, cored, and cut into rings

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

2. Melt the butter. Brush a little bit of the butter on the inside of a 9 inch cake pan.

3. Mix 5 tablespoons of the butter with the dark brown sugar and a 1/4 cup of the pineapple juice. Place this mixture in the bottom of the cake pan.

4. Arrange the pineapple rings on the bottom of the brown sugar mixture in a decorative pattern (you can be creative). Set pan aside.

5. Separate the eggs. Beat the whites until stiff but not dry.

6. Beat 2 of the egg yolks until lemony yellow. Stir in the remaining 1/2 cup of pineapple juice, vanilla, and remaining melted butter. Add this mixture to the four mixture. Gently fold in the egg whites. Pour batter over the top of the brown sugar and pineapple rings.

7. Bake at 400 degrees for 30 minutes. Let cake cool in pan for 10 minutes then cover pan tightly with a serving dish and invert so the pineapple side is up.

Serves 12

Amount per serving:

Calories - 290; Total Fat - 13 grams; Cholesterol: 83 miligrams

Tips:

Serve with a dallop of whipped cream

How to cut a pineapple

Taken from Allrecipes.com

ICLW - March International Comment Leaving Week

Hello everyone!

This is our second month on the IComLeavWe List and I'm so excited that we'll be getting new visitors to our site and book club.  It's just in time for beginning our new April selection!  Here is some information for visitors and members:

New to the Ladies in Waiting Book Club?

From our About Us page:

As the name suggests, The Ladies in Waiting Book Club, is a book club for women who are waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting.  Waiting for what, you might ask?

Our children.

And no, not 9 months of waiting, or should I say "expecting".  Our waits have been so much longer... years and decades longer.

Yes, our first commonality is infertility.  Infertility is an incredibly lonely and isolating experience but it shouldn't have to be.  The goal of "The Ladies in Waiting Book Club" is to provide a supportive community atmosphere.

Our second commonality is our love for reading.  We join together in the sisterhood of infertility, while enjoying much needed friendships and discovering great books.

How does it work?

• Books are suggested and voted on at the end of each month.  A final selection is chosen through an online survey.  We are currently finishing Silent Sorority by Pamela Tsigdinos, and for April will be reading a NON infertility related book.
• Pick up the book at your local library, bookshop, or through our online book store (sold through Amazon) and read along with us.
• Participate in contests, discussions, and read all of the recipes, crafts, and articles to accompany you through your reading.
• Have fun and meet new friends!

How do I join?

• To receive daily updates from the Ladies in Waiting Book Club, there are many ways to sign up:
• Receive daily email updates (subscribe in upper left hand menu)
• "Like" us on Facebook
• Join us on Goodreads
• Follow us on Twitter
• Subscribe to our RSS feed
• Connect with us on Google Friends
• At the beginning of each month, join our Roll Call list so we can get to know you better!

Ladies in Waiting Book Club members?

Hi girls!  We have joined the International Comment Leaving Week (ICLW) list for the month of March.

The ICLW was started by Mel at The Stirrup Queens blog and is a comment exchange for infertility related blogs and bloggers.  Bloggers and websites that want to be on the list sign up until the 21st of each month.  The last week of the month you must agree to visit and leave 6 comments a day for a week for other bloggers.  This encourages new visitors, new comments, and new discoveries for everyone.  If you enjoy reading other infertility blogs, I recommend clicking on the ICLW button and looking through the list.  :o)

P.S. We're taking book suggestions until Wednesday, 3/23!  Official survey comes out on Thursday, 3/24.

Silent Sorority: Article on Censorship

Here is an article by Pamela discussing the topic of last week's discussion question about censoring and/or being open about infertility.

Article: Would You Tell Someone You're Infertile?

April Book Suggestions - Due March 23rd!

It's that time again!  April is right round the corner and we're getting ready to pick our book selection.  Post your suggestions here until March 23rd.  The official survey will begin on March 24th!

This month's selection will be non-infertility related.  Post your suggestions here and we'll be putting together a survey soon!

SARK: #2) Making Our Lives More Succulent

A succulent is a plant that gets its nourishment and water from the inside - it replenishes itself.  In her book, SARK encourages us, especially as women, to add succulent and wild activities to our lives in order to feed our soul and spirit.  These succulent moves can be as simple as eating a hot fudge sundae to taking a cross country trip.  These actions are important to take even when "life is good" and our worries are few, but are even more important when the going gets tough.

What kinds of things can you do to add more nourishment and succulence to your life?

Silent Sorority: Playing at the Pineapple Plantation

From what the research tells us, eating pineapple may or may not help with pregnancy implantation. But, being infertile, we will gladly try anything, especially if it tastes good! There are sites that recommend soly eating the core, while others recommend you eat the fruit and core but stay away from the juice. For the most part, I like to follow the rule of everything in moderation.

Since getting pregnant seems to always be on the forefront of our minds, I thought it might be fun to share my trip to a place where pineapples grow in abundance. When my DH and I went to Hawaii a couple of years ago, we decided to be touristy and hit up the Dole Pineapple Plantation. I'm glad we did, as my husband learned that pineapples don't grow on pineapple trees (he did not believe me until he saw it with his own eyes), we got to ride a little train called the Pineapple Express (yes we're childish at heart and love rides), find our way though a life-size maze (more childish fun), and slurp down pineapple shakes and Pineapple Whip. All things considered, a fun-filled, yummy day while giving our sun burned bodies a chance to recover!

A huge part of Hawaiian history

Pineapples are grown and harvested in fields like these.

Baby pineapples! Aren't they cute?

This maze was essentially made with the shrubs behind the sign. You had to collect a certain number of stamps in a specified time. Tip: Don't do the maze until after you have your pineapple shake or you may end up very grumpy when you keep getting lost!

Vintage pineapple labels and cans. Love it!

If you decide to go to Hawaii, you can find out more about the Dole Pineapple Plantation right here! It is located off Kamhamha Highway in Oahu.

Also, if you ever visit Okinawa, Japan, there is a pineapple farm called Nago Pineapple Park that I've heard makes a fantastic pineapple wine!

Silent Sorority: Disenfranchised Grief {Ask the Author #5}

From Dani in Rhode Island: As I read the descriptions of your fertility treatments and your journey to become pregnant, I was struck with how incredibly "alone" you were. There's no mention of having an online support group to cheer you along or of phone calls you made to a close friend or family member. Infertility is so lonely and I don't know what I would have done without the support of the women on Inspire/Resolve or my IRL friends who tried their best to listen. I know, though, that there are so many women out there--you included, it seems--who went through or are going through infertility treatments completely alone. Do you wish you'd had more support when you were seeking treatments? What do you think are the best ways to reach other women struggling with infertility who may not have found a support group of their own yet? Also: You've now written a memoir and run two websites that support the IF and childless community. Can you speak a little to what you believe support groups and personal stories offer to those struggling with infertility or forced childlessness? Thanks for your participation in this book club discussion, Dani, and for your question. Certainly knowing what I know now about the importance of finding community I wish my experience had been different. In my real life, I didn't know anyone who faced infertility or was "involuntarily childless." It's not something anyone ever disclosed. Period. As a result, I didn't know what to ask for in the way of support or what to expect. This is not to say the people in our lives (family and friends) haven’t done their best to be supportive, but how can those who haven't lived the experience truly understand the struggle to find peace? In my reading and research, I learned about a term for an unacknowledged loss. It is called disenfranchised grief. Grieving infertility is not linear. It is dynamic. Over our lifetimes, we will revisit it, much like we would any other loss. The good news is like any other loss, the intensity of the pain subsides. I've learned (as have many others) that it hurts less and the healing comes when we find we are not alone in what we've experienced. In 2011, we are fortunate to be connected in a remarkable way -- one that offers a sanctuary for those suffering silently -- isolated in their real life. Imagine for a moment living in a time when people relied primarily on libraries to gather and exchange information. It wasn't so long ago for me. Not only were there physical limitations in geography and operating hours, the information was completely impersonal. Where today there is a move to enlightenment and a plethora of 24/7 forums and online communities buzzing with support, pre-2005 (when blogging went mainstream and online communities exploded) there was only shame and misinformation. I felt it keenly, which is why I devote so much of my time now to trying to reach those who haven't (yet) found a support outlet or who harbor residual infertility isolation. In many ways you could say I lived through the dark ages of infertility awareness. I wrote Silent Sorority to show others how to move out of the darkness. The best way to help, I've found, is to encourage women to engage online, anonymously if it's easier, and hear what others have experienced as a means to find their own voice.

Crafty Ladies: 52 Reasons Relationship Builder

Maintaining relationships during the infertility journey is a challenge for everyone, even with your spouse. This little craft can help reaffirm the reasons why you fell in love in the first place and lets them know you love them!

Supplies:
Deck of cards
Labels
Pen or you can run the labels through a printer
Hole punch
Rings (can be found at craft or office supply stores)


On each label right down what you love about the person. This seems easy, but once you get to about 35 or 40 (out of 52) it actually gets kind of hard (I was rather ashamed of this at first, but then I realized it was part of the purpose of doing the activity).

Put a label on each card. I did the "number" side so the back looked like a deck of cards.

Make a "cover" using a joker card.

Hole punch each card and slip onto ring.

Give to your loved one and watch them smile when they read all the things you love about them!

It is a great reminder that our relationships are so much more than just infertility and shots and timing. Sometimes we all need a reminder as to why we fell in love.


Now, taking it a step further...this can be done for anyone! I was having a really rough time around my Birthday last year and just didn't feel good about ME anymore. My parents did this same craft about all the reasons they love me and it reminded me that I am MORE than infertile.



I am working on making one of these for myself now and I am calling it "Positive Thoughts about ME!" I don't have 52, not even close, but I am working on it and it gives me something tangible to look at and affirm my self worth.

SARK: #1) What Are You Glad About?

Dear Friends,

As you can see (and please forgive me), I did not get the discussion question up for the Editor's Pick on Monday as planned.  I thought I'd have it up by Tuesday, but alas it is now 12:50am on Wednesday morning.  TWO days late - *gasp*.  There were a couple reasons for this: a) my crazy life since returning from my trip, and b) I was stumped.

The book, Succulent Wild Woman, speaks for itself in that it calls you to appreciate yourself for exactly who you are.  I don't know about you, but I hear the words: infertile, failed, unsuccessful, diminished (to name a few) ALL the time.  I think it's time we heard more words about ourselves and define ourselves by the positives instead.  We are so much more than our infertility.  After being stumped on a discussion question for this book, I came to a conclusion.  I will let this book stand on its own.  If you are reading, great... if you aren't, who cares?  Discuss with us anyway.  :o)  We don't need any philosophical questions about a piece of literature... we need to talk about how awesome and lovable we are!  The questions here will be self reflective and positive in nature... a small way to work through all of the good and beautiful ways you exist in this world.

Now, for discussion #1:

Name at least 10 things (or more) that you are GLAD about!  And then maybe go start a journal about it. :o)

Silent Sorority: Recipe - Dole Pineapple Whip Ice Cream Floats

This is a recipe for one of the most heavenly treats I've ever had; it's complete pineapple overload! While on vacation in Oahu, Hawaii, my DH and I went to the Dole Pineapple Plantation. I was warned that we were in for a very "touristy" and gimmicky experience ahead of time, but if we stuck it out, we would be rewarded with the opportunity to order a Dole Pineapple Whip Float which essentially is pineapple soft serve ice cream in pineapple juice. And it is heavenly! It is so sweet and pineapply sugary, it will make your mouth hurt so it's best to share it with your sweetie! I've heard these are available at Disneyland's Tiki Juice Bar as well!

Dole Pineapple Whip Ice Cream Floats

Ingredients

2 cans (20 oz. each) DOLE crushed pineapple
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2 tbsp. lime juice
1/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream, whipped

1 can of DOLE pineapple juice

Place pineapple (including the juice), lemon juice, lime juice, and sugar in blender. Cover and blend until smooth.
Pour into two 1-quart freezer zipped bags. Store bags flat in freezer. Freeze 1 1/2 hours or until slushy.
Stir pineapple slush gently into whipped cream until slightly blended in large bowl.
Return to freezer until completely frozen, about 1 hour and serve.

For a float, pour pineapple juice into glass about 3/4 full and add several scoops of pineapple ice cream. Share with your sweetie!

All gone!

Fun: The Up-Inspired House

I saw this article tonight and was just tickled at the whole idea.  National Geographic and a team of scientists launched a house into the air with weather balloons on an airstrip in Los Angeles.  The photos in the article are AMAZING.  They made me smile.  :o)

I am a big fan of the movie "Up" by Pixar.  The first time I watched it, it was in the same month as my first failed medicated cycle.  My husband and I went to the movies to lighten our spirits and instead were confronted with an interesting reality.  Who would have thought?  I instantly fell in love with Ellie and her husband Carl reminds me of my own quiet and sweet husband.  I will not spoil it, but I highly recommend the movie as it has a character we can all love and relate to... but be warned - watch with a giant box of tissues.

When I was in Florida this past week, my husband and I were invited to Orlando for a day to spend the weekend with my sister and her husband.  My sister and her husband are avid Disney pin collectors and traders.  We spent the weekend looking for the infamous "Up" Grape Soda pin which we ended up finding after my sister gave me hers.  The grape soda pin is featured in the movie when Ellie and Carl meet as children and to me represents the strong foundation of friendship, love, and companionship in their marriage.

Below is a video of my favorite part of the movie, "Up".  If you've not seen the movie before, beware that it will contain spoilers.  Also, beware that you'll need an industrial sized box of tissues and perhaps an adult beverage after watching.

Silent Sorority: Discuss with Us (#3)

Do you feel free to openly discuss your experience or do you censor? If the latter, is it for fear others may view you differently? How?

Are you a Succulent Wild Woman? Of course you are!

Hi girls!

I just wanted to do a quick check with you to see who is reading our Editor's Pick this month, Succulent Wild Woman by SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy).  This is something like a mini roll call.  :o)

If you're reading with us, add yourself to the comments with the answers to these questions:

• First name
• The name of a book you find inspiring
• Do you consider yourself wild or succulent?  (yes or no, and maybe even why :o)

I can't wait to meet with you... first discussion comes out tonight.  :o)

Updates and March Organization

Hello sweet ladies!

I am back from Florida after treatment and SO happy to be back with my book club girls.  :o)  I was able to keep up with your posts using the internet on my iPhone but was on my computer very little in the last week.  It was a good break as sometimes I tend to be on the computer too much, but I so missed participating!  I will be spending the day catching up and participating in the past week's discussions and catching up with some other projects.  Speaking of projects, I am feeling a bit disorganized these days so I thought a quick reference for some of March's important dates might be helpful for all:

• Every Tuesday and Thursday in March (and occasionally sneaking in an extra day like today), Pamela Tsigdinos hosts discussions and Q&A sessions.  Remember to ask your questions before the end of the month by clicking here.
• Every Friday in March, guest artist Monica Weisblott shares a portion of her BARREN: life on infertile soil Gallery.  Deep and contemplative, for sure.
• March 14th: Editor's Pick - Succulent Wild Woman begins with a roll call and discussion question in the evening.
• March 21st: April Book Suggestions begin
• March 23rd: "Sexy in Stirrups" contest and giveaway ends.  Five random funny girls chosen to receive some sexy silly stirrup socks. :o)
• March 24th: April Book Survey begins
• March 28th: April Book Announcement

There is MUCH more than that going on this month, but those are the "save the date" types.  I'll be back later this evening to add the Editor's Pick discussion question.  :o)

Love,

Kim

Silent Sorority: Support for Men and Anger Management {Ask the Author #3 & #4}

Silent Sorority author Pamela Tsigdinos is answering your questions this month. If you have a question, please pose it here. Question#3

Colleen from Illinois: Is there a place for the men to go for support? I feel like I have a huge support system from Resolve/Inspire and the support to be childless with the various childless blogs out there. The books about infertility and about the childless path are all written by woman as far as I know. Pam, can you get your husband to write a book too or start a blog? Colleen: I queried Alex. He’s both flattered and honored about your request. He confirmed what I already surmised. His go-to place to work out infertility angst was (and is) the basketball court. He plays in a league to this day. Silent Sorority exhausted him on this topic -- he was a dedicated editor/contributor to the narrative -- so he feels he’s covered all he has to say. The male point of view is few and far between online. I only came across a handful of men writing and blogging about infertility and most abandoned them after a short period of time or converted their blogs to fatherhood after treatment or adoption. I know of no men who are writing about adjusting to life without fatherhood after infertility. Perhaps other book club members do? There is an important study, though, that underscores the psychological impact of infertility on men. You can read about it here.

Question #4 Misfit: Here is my question for you: Did you find when you reached the end of infertility treatment that you were nursing a lot of anger or resentment toward those fertile "haves"? If so, how were you able to work through it? Many thanks for any wisdom you can provide, and for your inspiring example of a joyful and healthy life. Did I nurse lots of anger and resentment toward fertile “haves?” That would be an unequivocal, YES! How did I work through it? I’ve written about this topic extensively. We each come to terms differently. In my case, I turned to writing and examination and, ultimately, to forgiveness as a way to dissipate the anger and resentment. You’ll find more about that in a blog post I wrote not long ago called The Ultimate Test. Let me add that we all operate on different time lines and have different ways of diffusing negative feelings to reach catharsis. I was reminded of an NPR segment that highlighted a place where people could air out their anger — where they could seriously break things (safely) as a means of expression and a catharsis. There was once a place called the Smash Shack. Each person would get to write on the plate the focus of their anger and then let it rip. Can you imagine if there was a room dedicated to infertility? I'm sure the line would be out the freakin' door. Hey! Let's go for a virtual plate throwing here! What would your plate(s) say?

Furbabies update

A little Sunday afternoon humor for all of you! Give your furbabies hugs from all of us at LiWBC. Your pictures of your fur children will be up soon!

Emptiness by Monica Wiesblott

Emptiness - containing nothing

Infertility left a hole in me. I was left as shell of myself for some time.

The first sign that something was wrong arrived while I was at work…I got a frantic phone call from my doctor just two hours after my first pelvic ultrasound.

“Um… there is a fairly large unknown growth that appears to be in your bladder and we are not sure exactly what it is. So I need to you see a gynecological oncologist, an urologist and get a CT scan in the next day or so”.

I worked at a warehouse and so while she is feeding me a list of numbers and phrases over the phone, I was simply seeking a quiet place to hear all she was saying.

When she was done, I couldn’t move; but when I did I shot out the door as fast as I could in hopes no one would see the flood of tears that would be my last for a long while.

I became a pin cushion, I was probed and prodded for months…some people were skilled and left no marks, others left bruises, rashes and scar tissue.

I submitted thru this all.

In the months after, something shifted and

I felt nothing; no pain, no joy, no happiness… nothing.

Food was not enjoyable; friends were of no comfort.

I spent time staring into space, watching the walls be white.

I commuted 45 miles to work daily, and often times would find myself at work not remembering how I got there, even though I had driven myself.

It took great effort to make easy decisions like which cereal to buy for breakfast.

I was on auto pilot. I was able to dress myself, bath myself and eat, but I was not there for it.

I stopped expressing emotions; I didn’t laugh, get angry or cry. I was a shell, it was me to all appearances, but no one was home.

The stork has been visiting- 2007

"I visited her at the hospital, and cried on the way there.

Mourning as I drove closer and closer...

The night I received her call, I dozed off with my arms wrapped around my invisible baby...wanting so badly to wake from this horrible dream I am in.

I felt like Dumbo's mama watching all the other mothers receive their babies.

I have not slept well and had a panic attack in the shower this morning...feeling as though I would faint. I fought the collapse, because I didn't want to frighten my husband in the early hour.

Sadly, it would have been very easy to surrender to the dark.”

Text from BARREN: life on infertile soil

As my bruises healed I was left with the stark reality of having no external symbols of my pain, my heartbreak, my existence.

How would anyone know what was happening…

My Branch of the Tree

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There Were No Words of Comfort

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It Sang With Yearning and Sadness

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Wild Birds Had Carried Them Away

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She Found Herself Falling Down a Very Deep Hole

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Basketful

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Saturday Morning

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It Had Manifested

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