Don't Forget "The Way We See It": Work

Work is supposed to be a place where I can forget about my struggles at home. Wrong!! I'm constantly in contact with families traveling with young children or coworkers who just had a baby.

When I hear the stories of sleepless nights, sickness, or how you need a sitter to drink, I'm reminded of what I want so badly and is yet so far away.

Work is the one place that I once didn't feel like a failure, but that has since left me feeling like one. I know I am great at my job as I know every guest by name and they actually care about me and how I'm doing. I am constantly wondering, "why me?" and if I can ever find my own sanctuary.

Submitted by Melissa L.

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.
• About NIAW

Don't Forget "The Way We See It": 1 in 8

Submitted by: Jennifer (www.facebook.com/TurtleHope)

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.
• About NIAW

Book Review: Silent Sorority

Read and reviewed by Jen K.

Title of Book: Silent Sorority 

Author: Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos 

Publisher: BookSurge Publishing

Year of Publication: 2009

Number of pages: 218

Main topics presented: Memoir, coming to terms with unresolved, unexplained infertility, living childfree

Technical Review:

What is the book's format?

• This is a memoir, written chronologically

How is the book organized?

• Chronological organization, loosely interwoven with themes of stages of grief

Writing style?

• Factual, but emotional, with dark humor where she can place it.

What is the author’s experience on the subject?

• As an infertile patient

Does the author have a certain point of view or opinion?

• She is not trying to get you to buy anything, but voices something that has been given VERY little attention – not everyone ends up with a child

What is the book's conclusion/closing statement?

• She concludes without concluding, she has lived without children, and has slowly, come to terms with it, knowing that she will never be able to fully come to terms with it.

Personal Review:

Who would you suggest this book to?

• It was so engaging, I’d recommend it to a broad audience – I might steer away from recommending it to those newly pursuing treatment, for they need the happy ending stories.  This is for someone who is considering moving beyond treatment – and for the families (siblings, parents, friends) of people moving away from treatment

How did the book affect you?

• Well, I read it the day before my dang period, so I was in tears!  My husband had to ask me to put it down, but I snuck back in bed with a box of tissues and finished it.  It was so moving – and while we are on different journeys, my infertility is secondary, she spoke to me in a way I needed – We have given up on treatment, we are ‘moving on’ and accepting that we will be a family of 3…  I had thought that I could get over it, and cursed myself for still crying when friends announced their ‘good news’… This book, for me, served as a reminder that I (we!) have been wounded, and the pain will always be a part of who we are.

Is there anything you wish the author(s) had elaborated on?

• While I’d love to know more about her story, they way the memoir was written was perfect, leaving out what was unnecessary.  I got a little bored with the blog comments she included, but they did serve a point.

Rate this book on a scale of 1-5 stars.  Why do you think it deserves this rating?

• 4  stars – the book was moving, real and on an important, little discussed outcome of infertility.

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Even my Mailbox isn't Safe from the Reminder

I have apparently re-cycled on mailing lists, and the database gods think I should be on child #2. Gone are the postcards for photography with the headlines of  "your child turning 1!" (or 2! or 3!). A lull in those types of mailings made me think I have cycled off the lists. How wrong I was.

Yesterday, when I opened my mailbox, this box -- a feeding kit for nourishing newborns.

For 30 seconds, as I was pulling this mystery box out of my mailbox, I was wondering what I ordered and had forgot about, or perhaps a late birthday present, or maybe even just a surprise present. All exciting options to think about. And then, I saw the baby on the side of the box, the return address from Similac on the label.

Another painful reminder of what should be so easy, what my body was supposed to be able to do, but can't.

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.
• About NIAW

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Barren Reminder

Submitted by: Monica Wiesblott

Website: My Little Eye

Title: Barren Reminder

 "There are 13 children that live within 100 yards of my front door and as soon as the sun sets, the sounds of baths, bedtime play and stories can be heard.  These are the sounds that haunt me the most."

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Hard and Impossible

Title: Hard and Impossible

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Book Review: Conquering Infertility

Read and reviewed by: Elizabeth M. (www.davidandelizabethadopt.blogspot.com)

Title of Book: Conquering Infertility”

Author: __Dr. Alice Domar, PhD, & Alice Lesch Kelly

Publisher: Penguin Books

Year of Publication: 2002

Number of pages: 280

Main topics presented: depression, infertility, mind/body techniques, stress, relationships

Review

Conquering Infertility has been the most helpful book I’ve read so far on the topic of infertility. Even though the book does not offer advice on how to help you actually get pregnant, it is full of ways to help you cope and live as happily as possible while dealing with infertility. Dr. Alice Domar, PhD, is the Executive Director of the Domar Center for Mind/Body Health and the director of Mind/Body Services at Boston IVF, so her perspective comes from her years of working with clients going through infertility and fertility procedures. The book is co-authored by Alice Lesch Kelly. It is written in a very factual tone with the personal stories of many of her clients woven throughout. 

If nothing else, Conquering Infertility was extremely helping in confirming that everything I’ve been thinking and feeling through this process is completely normal!  She covers just about every frustrating facet, from the stress of hearing about and living with pregnant/fertile women, the difficulties it brings to a marriage, friends and family relationships, spiritual questioning and even the financial pressure it brings.  The most helpful chapter of all for me was Chapter 2, “A Toolbox Full of Coping Skills,” where she describes numerous ways to use mind/body techniques to deal the pressure, depression and anxiety that often accompany infertility. I immediately began implementing tools such as mini-relaxations, mindfulness and cognitive restructuring techniques with much personal success. My only complaint would be the author’s discouragement of pursuing alternative healing routes and emphasis on traditional fertility treatments as the main pathway to overcoming infertility. However, this was a minimal problem for me since, again, her focus in on the mental and emotional aspects of infertility.

I would recommend this book to anyone dealing with any part of the infertility process, but especially for those currently going through treatment. I would give it 5 stars because of the great deal of advice and practical tips that can help make living with infertility much more manageable. 

Don't Ignore: "The Way We See It": Unknown

UNKNOWN

After 13 long years

It is still unknown

Will I ever parent?

Where do I belong?

For what do I plan?

And so I live in a world of the in-between

Not single or newlywed

Not parents yet not child-free

Not knowing

Childless

Is this my career my calling

No, a job with the benefits I want

Should parenthood find me

But what if not

What if

If I were child-free

I would change my job

Probably sell my house

Return to the city

Where I do feel at home

The unknown leaves me waiting

Though beyond even wanting

Lacking control yet feeling guilty

For not making decisions and plans

Guilty

If only I knew the answer

I could trade my guilt for action

Could know where I will fit

Could plan for tomorrow

Empowered

Some days I am so tempted

To forsake any hope of parenthood

For the knowing that comes

When child-less is traded

Once and for all

For child-free 

Submitted by: Lara

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Worst Possible Pain

After 9 years of infertility, I finally became pregnant via IVF.  With triplets.  While shocked, my husband and I could not have been any happier. We were finally going to have our family after almost a decade of waiting.  We thought "getting pregnant" was the hard part.  Until we started losing our babies one at a time.

We lost our daughter, Eve, early in the second trimester.

We lost our son, Caleb, late in the second trimester - nearly into the third.

At our perinatologist's office there is a sign in every exam room.  I've gazed at it dozens of times while I've waited to hear more bad news.  "It's worse."  "It's bigger."  "She's going to die."  "He's going to die."  "Shunt." "Non communicating." "Brain surgery."  "It's over."

I have one living baby in my body and still carry the bodies of my two unborn and still babies.  And when I go to the doctor I see the same sign.  I can't help but think...

10

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Pain

Don't Want

What I don't want. 

I don't want someone to tell me why don't you adopt.

I don't want to be told I need to be married first.

I don't want that pity look when I tell you my secret.

I don't want someone saying go to the bar and time it right.

I don't want to be alone anymore.

Stop saying I don't want because I Do Want a baby.

Submitted by: Gabrielle Lasko 

Title of Photo: Pain

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Before and After

Before:

After:

Many people think that solutions for infertility come easy and as expected.  Can't get pregnant?  Adopt!  Do IVF!  Little do they know how many thousands of dollars, how many failed adoptions, how many empty syringes, how many lost babies, how many failed treatments resolving infertility might take.  And resolving one's infertility can take a form that you never imagined when you first began.  Infertility is neither easy nor does it end as expected.

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Shopping

Shopping - it was one of my favorite things to do. A way to celebrate someone through gift buying, rewarding myself for a job well done, day to day necessities, and just killing time when I was bored. I loved to try samples and find a bargain. Sometimes it was a splurge!

Until infertility struck.  Then shopping became a painful reminder of what I didn't have. The grocery store in particular just about killed me over the last four years. As you walk in the door, you are confronted with shopping carts with the baby seats on them, then you round the corner and there is the display for the Baby Club. And you are clearly NOT a member. What a terrible name as far as I am concerned - can you be any more exclusive to some of your shoppers?

And as you are trying to pay for your groceries, you have the rows of magazines shouting about baby bumps, new celebrity moms, and the most frustrating to me - teen moms. Why on earth are they being celebrated for being irresponsible in the first place? I played by the rules, waited to get my education and a good husband... and no instant baby when we were trying to conceive.  Instead, we spent incredible amounts of money, and I shed buckets of tears and had quite a few emotional meltdowns in Target, the local grocery and the commissary. Infertility and shopping don't mix.

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Why Can't I Have Just One?

Title: What is Wrong With Me?  Why Can't I Have Just One?

Submitted by: Colleen

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": Will it Ever Be Me?

Title: Expectant Mother Parking: Will it Ever Be Me?

Submitted by: Gracelyn (Semi-Charmed Life)

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Book Review: Infertility Journeys

Read and reviewed by: Elizabeth M. (www.davidandelizabethadopt.blogspot.com)

Title of Book: Infertility Journeys: Finding your Happy Ending

Author: Lesley Vance

Publisher: Duck Hill Press

Year of Publication: 2010

Number of pages: 172

Main topics presented: miscarriage, tubal pregnancies, infertility treatment, dealing with infertility, living childfree

Review:

“Infertility Journeys” by Lesley Vance is mostly a memoir of her infertility journey, but with others’ stories and information about infertility added in.  The book tells about her experiences with both infertility and pregnancy loss in chronological order, while including information about tubal pregnancies, miscarriage and treatment options (including holistic techniques).  Although the author chooses to be child free in the end, she encourages the reader to look into her (or his) heart to determine the best way to build a family. Her writing style is factual, sensitive and to the point. 

In terms of intended audience, I would say it’s geared toward those who have experienced tubal pregnancy, miscarriage, secondary infertility or those just beginning their infertility journey. Other than a brief section on holistic techniques such as guided imagery and meditation, there aren’t many recommendations for how to deal with infertility or information that is new or different from what most going through infertility already know. The chapter on grief was helpful, but could have gone more in depth on practical ways to deal with the grief that inevitably accompanies infertility.  Although the book’s title and subtitle (“Infertility Journeys: Finding your Happy Ending”) led me to believe it would be full of others’ stories of infertility and suggestions on ways to build your family and how to find the right journey for you, most of the stories seemed to be from women who experienced secondary infertility or miscarriage, and were therefore not particularly helpful to me. And there weren’t many practical and “hands-on” tips for actually finding our own happy ending (as elusive as that can be.)

I would give the book 3 stars because it had small bits of good information and tips, and I did feel connected to the author and her story. But overall I thought the book seemed a bit disconnected, and I also found the title to be misleading since I didn’t find what I was looking for in the book. 

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": The Hands of Infertility

The Hands of Infertility

Tiny hand
we've never held
except in our hearts
and in our dreams

My smile
his beautiful eyes
forged from our love
soaked in our tears

Empty womb
an unfulfilled hope
fingers laced together
our hearts crushed

Even so
your tiny hand
and a dream of you
carry us on

Submitted by: HJ

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don't Ignore "The Way We See It": The Happiest Place on Earth?

I posted these photos on Inspire, an online forum, back in May of 2011.  My husband and I had just returned from a short trip to Disney with our family.  We thought it would have been a good idea to get away and spend time with family after having failed an IVF cycle.  While the time with family was nice, the destination was not the ideal.

Some people call Disney World, "The Happiest Place on Earth".  This is "The Way I See It".

May 23, 2011


I went to Disney World this weekend.  Two weeks after a failed IVF.  Not the greatest idea.

Happiest place on earth? I think not.


Interestingly enough, I sat through a whole movie that played this song:



When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you


If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do


Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing


Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

Mmm... really?

It's all lies Mr. Disney.  And thanks for the ride on the Hormonacoaster.

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Show us the world from your eyes and join "The Way We See It" Photography Project during National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28, 2012).

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

ICLW - April International Comment Leaving Week

Hello everyone!

Welcome to ICLW!  We are so excited that we'll be getting new visitors to our site and book club.

New to the Ladies in Waiting Book Club?

I recommend visiting our About Us page.  There, you'll be able to read a little more about our book club and the editors who make it work.  The LiWBC is made possible by the dedicated efforts of each of our editors as well as special guest writers from the infertility community.

How does it work?

• Usually: Books are suggested and voted on at the end of each month.  A final selection is chosen through an online survey.  This month, we've been reading Sarah's Key and French Women Don't Get Fat.  Due to overwhelming closeness in voting last month, we decided to use our second choice from last month's voting as our October book selection - The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton.
• Pick up the book at your local library, bookshop, or through our online book store (sold through Amazon) and read along with us.
• Participate in contests, discussions, and read all of the recipes, crafts, and articles to accompany you through your reading.
• Have fun and meet new friends!

How do I join?

There are many ways to receive daily updates and keep up with the Ladies in Waiting Book Club:

• Receive daily email updates (highly recommended: sign up in the upper left hand corner of our site)
• "Like" us on Facebook (highly recommended: get our news in your regular feed)
• Join us on Goodreads
• Follow us on Twitter
• Subscribe to our RSS feed
• Connect with us on Google Friends
• At the beginning of each month, join our Roll Call list so we can get to know you better!

Just for Fun

If you're here visiting for the first time, here are some questions we'd like to know about you (answer any or all!):

• What is your favorite childhood book?
• Do you have a favorite author?
• What state do you live in?
• Tell us something no one would ever guess about you.

Thank you for visiting The Ladies in Waiting Book Club.  We look forward to meeting you and getting to know you better!